Forgiveness Is a Gift to Yourself
"Forgive them." How many times have you heard this phrase in your life? Or how often have you asked yourself this question? Forgiveness can feel like a homework assignment or an unreachable state of being. But because of its heavy weight and daunting nature, we often stop short when confronted with the word "forgiveness."
The dictionary defines forgiveness as "to stop feeling angry or resentful toward (someone) for an offense, flaw, or mistake." However, the forgiveness we experience is a much more complex and subtle emotional realm. Is forgiveness simply deciding to "forget about it"? Can we only forgive if we can "understand" the other person's actions?
We find forgiveness difficult to the same degree as the depth of our wounds and our pride. Feelings like anger, injustice, and a desire for revenge slam shut the doors of our hearts. Sometimes, forgiving can feel like "losing" or "making light of the other person's wrongdoing." But true forgiveness is never about that.
Forgiveness Is Healing for Yourself, Not for the Offender
What we need to remember is that forgiveness is not an act for the offender, but a process of healing for yourself. Time spent harboring resentment and trapped in anger ultimately makes our own hearts sick. Forgiveness is a noble act of putting down that heavy emotional burden and liberating yourself from suffering.
Of course, the path to forgiveness is never easy. Sometimes you may have to navigate a whirlwind of intense emotions. It is a completely natural process to feel anger, grief, and sometimes a renewed sense of resentment. The important thing is to be honest with those feelings, but not to get lost in them, and to move forward slowly.
Small Attempts to Open a Closed Door
So, how can we begin this journey of forgiveness?
The first step for you: First, you must recognize that this entire process is ultimately a choice for your own benefit. Ask yourself if you want to live in pain, trapped by past wounds, or if you want to be free through forgiveness.
A small piece of understanding: While you may not be able to fully understand the other person's actions, trying to understand their background or situation, even just a little, can be a starting point for forgiveness. This is not about justifying their wrongdoings, but about practicing looking at the situation from multiple angles.
Honest confrontation with your emotions: It's important to honestly face and express repressed feelings of anger, sadness, or hurt without avoiding them. Writing in a journal or talking to a trusted person are good ways to do this.
A small whisper in your heart: If it's too difficult to say "I forgive you" to the other person, you can start by quietly saying it to yourself in your heart. This small act can slowly begin to open the closed door of your heart.
Find your own way: There is no single correct way to forgive. You can write a letter to process your emotions, spend time alone to calm your heart, or sometimes seek professional help. Find a method that works for you and take it one step at a time.
Forgiveness: The Noble Power That Transforms Lives
Forgiveness is not a magic trick that happens instantly. It can take a long time and requires constant effort. But at the end of it, a wonderful transformation awaits. The peace of mind you gain from putting down the heavy emotional burden, the freedom to live fully in the present without being bound by past hurts, and the growth into a more mature version of yourself. This is the precious gift that forgiveness offers us.
Remember. Forgiveness is not for the other person; it is the most beautiful gift you can give yourself. Now, how about you try to find that small key that can open the closed door of your heart?
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